This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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