if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
