The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
