Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
