Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I just made out with a guy for $7.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
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I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
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That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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