i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
