Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize