Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize