Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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