So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
