Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
