I want to walk on stilts...naked
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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