The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
