You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Randomize
