Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
