I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?