I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.