My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.