you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
