My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
29 Unspoken Rules Of “Bro Code”
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!