she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....