I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
