How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
