Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I love you.
Bad choice
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