In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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