I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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