Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
My cat gives me a boner
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
