try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
