i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
