We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
