i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Randomize
