it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
