lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
