this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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