forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
