you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
