Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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