By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
