so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
