Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
