I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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