He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
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He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
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It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
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