just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
