I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
