??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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