you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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