Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
