In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
