I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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