my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
