so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
