On my way to the DMV to get arrested
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
i now understand why vodka
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
