I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
