We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
