soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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