Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
