thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
