people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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