I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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