It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize