I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
We don't watch enough power rangers
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
