weddingsv make me drug and hornr
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
