i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
