you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
