Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
