i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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