Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
