from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
