just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
