Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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