bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
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Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
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How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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